Dog Bath

Little Johnny walked into a grocery store and selected a large
box of laundry detergent and took it to the counter. The clerk
said, „You must have a large load of clothes to wash.” „Oh no,”
said Johnny, „I’m going to give my dog a bath.” „I don’t think
that is the right soap to use to bathe your dog,” said the
clerk. „It’ll do,” said Johnny, as he paid the clerk and walked
out.

A few days later Johnny goes back to the store to buy some
candy. „How’s your dog?” the clerk asked. „He died”, said
Johnny. „I told you that soap wasn’t right for your dog,”
replied the clerk. „The soap was fine,” said Johnny, „but I
think the spin cycle killed him.”

Zaszufladkowano do kategorii animals

Wind

An old Indian was suffering wind problems, so he told his apache servant to go to the doctor on his behalf.

When he got there he told the doctor: „Big chief, no fart.”

So the doctor gave him some tablets and told him to come back in a week.

The next week the servant returned. „Big chief, no fart,” he said again. The doctor sighed and gave him some stronger tablets, telling him to come back in a month.

A month later he returned again,”Big chief, no fart,” he repeated. Getting impatient, the doctor gave him some super strength tablets and told him to come back in a year.

One year later the servant came back and announced „Big fart, no chief”.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

Zaszufladkowano do kategorii other

Hab�a un mago que trabajaba

Hab�a un mago que trabajaba en un barco y ten�a un loro parlanch�n, que siempre que hac�a magia lo llevaba encima del hombro. En una actuaci�n esto fue lo que ocurri�:

„Se�oras y se�ores con ustedes el mago Monchi con su loro Pedro”. Aplausos. Sale el mago y empieza a hacer sus trucos. En el momento en que mete un reloj en sombrero y saca un conejo, dice el loro: „�El reloj est� debajo de la mesa!”

Otro truco: El mago pone a una chica en un ba�l y la hace desaparecer. Dice el loro: „La chica se ha ido por la puerta que est� debajo de la mesa!”

De pronto llega una tormenta y el barco se hunde y s�lo sobreviven el mago y el loro. Pasan d�as y d�as y el loro no dice nada. El mago dice: „Habla ahora. �Por qu� no hablas?” El loro sigue callado.

Al cabo de un mes, dice el loro: „Me rindo, dime donde carajos escondiste el barco.”

Zaszufladkowano do kategorii other

9-1-1 calls

Goofy 9-1-1 calls from the new book „What’s the Number for 9-1-1?: America’s Wackiest 9-1-1 Calls” by Leland H. Gregory III (Andrews McMeel Publishing): Caller: „These bee-droppings are ruining my roof!” A woman dialed 9-1-1 in the middle of a rainstorm to ask if police could give her a ride to avoid getting her new hairdo wet. Caller: „Please connect me to Switzerland.” Paramedics, responding to an „abdominal evisceration,” arrived at the caller’s residence to find a 13-year-old boy lying on a bed. They quickly examined the boy but could find nothing wrong with him. When they asked why he had called 9-1-1, the boy told them he had „stuff” coming out of his navel. Further investigation revealed the „stuff” to be belly-button lint. 9-1-1 Dispatcher: „Fire or emergency?” Caller: „Neither. My son was bothering me. I just wanted to let you know.” Caller: „Can you tell me when the next earthquake is?” Velma Ann Wantlin of Houma, La., called 9-1-1 to report that her husband was preventing her from watching „Knots Landing.” 9-1-1 Dispatcher: „9-1-1. Please state your emergency.” Caller: „Yeah, am I talking to a real operator or is this a recording?” Dispatcher: „This is a real operator. Please state your emergency.” Caller: „Are you sure you’re a real person? You sort of sound like a recording.” Dispatcher (irritated): „I’m a real person, sir!” Caller: „OK. Now you sound like a real operator.” 9-1-1 Dispatcher: „Are you conscious?” Caller: „No.” A man in La Vergne, Tenn., called 9-1-1 to report that his wife was pouring all his beer down the drain. Caller: „My phone doesn’t work.” 9-1-1 Dispatcher: „Fire and ambulance.” Caller: „Yes sir, I need an ambulance for my son. He has his finger stuck in a Hot Wheels car.” Dispatcher: „I’m sorry, sir. Is this an emergency?”Caller: „Well, it’s his favorite one!”

Savings

A young couple decided that a painless way for them to be able to save money would be for the husband to put all his change into the bedside china piggy bank each time they had sex.

One night, while things were hot and heavy, the husband accidentally knocked the bank onto the floor where it smashed into pieces.

Much to his surprise, among the masses of coins, there were also numerous five and ten dollar bills.

„What’s up with all these bills?” he asked his wife.

„Not everyone is cheap as you are!” she replied.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman